Laying One’s Self Off

Today I laid myself off. Put myself on furlough? Trotted myself over to the Illinois Department of Employment Security to apply for unemployment benefits for the first time in the nearly seventeen years that I’ve lived in this state.

Work has rather dried up. The last project my company (Russell Creative, Inc.) produced was in January. The last paycheck I was able to cut for myself was more than a month ago. So now I’ve laid myself off.

But think about that terminology for a moment. It’s patently ridiculous in some fundamental ways. I am, after all, still myself. The “self” that others recognize in me still exists, it’s not as if that “self” or “identity” has been released, let go, set aside for a time. I am me and I am always me – working or not, writing or not, fill-in-the-blanks. Only death will terminate my “me-ness,” my identity. And my identity is not what I do to make a living, what I do to keep food on the table and clothes on my back.

More accurate than “I am me” is “I am.” That’s it. It’s that simple. It’s the same for you. You are. You exist. You live.

Of course it’s not a terribly pleasant event to “lay one’s self off” but it’s important to maintain a perspective. Unemployment Insurance is just that: it’s insurance! My company has paid the premiums for years, now, and I’ve simply never filed a claim before today. I probably should have done so long before today. After all, if you get sick, do you not go see a doctor? (At least if it’s a serious enough illness and you have insurance.) If you have insurance, you use it. Why should it be different as regards unemployment insurance? Why should there be a stigma or a stain to filing for something to which we are entitled – not because the “state” should take care of us, nonsense! – but because we paid for it. I had to give myself a talking to in order to convince myself to file the claim, believe you me. I can be a stubborn so-and-so sometimes, nearly always to my own detriment, my own harm.

Therefore, new language: Today, I temporarily discontinued my employment with my company and filed for insurance benefits to help until the next project comes along or I find a different job. Isn’t that a tad bit less negative?

Namaste.